Equally, children and young people will not be judged for expressing their feelings either. We have learned from the many thousands of women who have been part of Women's Aid over the years that every day there are literally thousands of acts of violence directed against women and children. This can make us feel many things but commonly we all feel powerless and afraid. There are many excuses given for abuse but excuses are not reasons. We believe that violence is an abuse of power and is used to exert control over us. There is no excuse and no-one has the right to abuse us in any way, either sexually, emotionally, mentally or physically. You and your children have the right to be proud of the courage and strength which has enabled you to survive.

We have also learned from children and young people that they too are affected by living with domestic abuse: some have seen or heard the abuse, and many have been abused themselves. No two children will react to leaving home and being in refuge in the same way - even within the same family. They may feel relieved to be safe but they may have left behind people and things that are important to them and feel anxious, confused, sad, angry or guilty. They also need support with their feelings and to talk about their experience of living with abuse.
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Who is refuge for?
Women's Aid believes you are abused if you are frightened of or ill treated by your partner or ex-partner. Refuges are open to women with children and equally to women without children or whose children do not live with them for whatever reason.

However, because refuges are run on a self-help, often communal basis, there will be some women for whom refuge may not be suitable although we will never turn any woman away without listening and offering what support we can.

We also have an equal opportunities policy. Some groups of people are discriminated against in society because, for example, they are female, or because of their ethnic, religious or cultural background, or because they are lesbian or gay, or they have a disability, or because of their age or health problems. Women's Aid is trying to ensure that all women and children receive an equal service regardless of their age, ability, sexuality or ethnic or cultural background whose children do not live with them for whatever reason.

Women and children come to Women's Aid because they have been abused. Therefore, it is essential that the refuge is a safe place for everyone - you, the other women, the children and the workers - and is free from any hitting, name calling or shouting. This is why we say it is never acceptable to use words or actions which put other women or children down for any reason or in any way. We believe that we each have the right to be treated with respect. We all feel angry sometimes but it is never OK to take this out on someone else - please remember that you may be asked to leave if you are abusive to anyone within the refuge. Also if you do feel discriminated against or put down by anyone in the refuge you have the right to make a complaint.
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