The desire for POWER and CONTROL
and the willingness to use intimidation and/or violence to get it.
The Power and Control Wheel shows some of the ways abusers try to control their partners.
The motivations for emotional and physical abuse come down to power and control. The person who abuses is trying to assert dominance over another person.
Abusers are full of excuses.
It can be liberating to see that the abuse is not your fault, and that the "excuses" your abuser offers don't excuse it. Do any of the following "excuses" sound familiar?

The abusers version:
It's your fault. You provoked it.
Reality: No one deserves abuse. Nothing you can do justifies the use of abusive tactics as retaliation or resolution of the problem. It's not about you or even your behavior. Chances are they have abused or hit other girlfriends, and will create abusive relationships in the future.

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The abusers version:
It was caused by extreme job stress, or by my own history of abuse, or by alcohol, or some other extenuating circumstance.
Reality: It's the abuser's choice to use violence. Violence will not happen unless someone is willing to use it, regardless of what else is factored in. Remember, there are many people with alcohol or drug problems who never abuse.This excuse can hook the abused person into the cycle of abuse, because she can feel sorry for their abuser.

The abusers version:
I was out of control because I was drunk/ because I was high/ because I was in a rage.
Reality: Physical abuse usually involves calculated decisions. The abuser often chooses where/ how to hit without leaving evidence. Note also that the abuser is making a choice of who to lash out against -- it's usually not the boss or the friend, but rather the wife or girlfriend or partner. Relationship violence is not random.

The abusers version:
We were just having a disagreement. That's how we argue.
Reality: All couples and family members have arguments. This is sometimes how we resolve a problem. However, any form of violence, intimidation, or other abusive behavior is not acceptable. Again, these tactics are attempts to gain control and power.

No one deserves to be hit - EVER!